5 Tips to Remember when Buying Snacks for your Tabletop Games Night

I see you there, standing in the aisle of your supermarket of choice, perusing the snacks section for something suitable, just grabbing any and everything of the shelves. Put it back! I’m here to help, and to say; not all snacks are created equal when it comes to board games and tabletop, and choose the wrong ones and you’ll be left with greasy fingerprints strewn across playing cards, smeared stains of unidentified dip on your ticket to ride board and worst of all… sticky things. Nobody likes sticky things when they weren’t meant to be sticky in the first place. Gross.

So stop staring at those random snacks on the shelf and start looking at your phone and read this article before you buy anything… promise it will either be super useful or super confusing. Maybe even both, if you’re lucky. Either way I imagine the potential to learn anything of true value is relatively small. BUT we continue anyway, and onto the actual tips! And no surprise right out of the gate we have…

1. No Grease

This refers to both the movie and the food style, both are unnacceptable on tabletop nights. Not only because your gaming group will get wildly distracted by the fabulous and wonderful teen romance and drama of an overrated film from the late 70s, but also because grease is like the food version of sand at the beach. As soon  as it gets on anything, IT STAYS THERE FOREVER AND NEVER LEAVES.

Cardboard things will start to show shiny fingerprints, rulebook pages will bend and crinkle under the oily mass, and particles of clothing will begin to stick to things where people have rubbed their fingers vigorously on their trousers (or other items of clothing that they may be wearing) to try and dispose of the erroneous grease film before touching literally any game piece. How can you clean cardboard without ruining it? You can’t, it’s borderline impossible, so avoid the grease!

I had a pun for this one actually… Grease lightning, more like grease frightening! Hah, I amaze even myself…

2. No dips or generally runny things

Look! A delicious pie! Why not eat some whilst we play this game of many intricately designed and perfectly crafted miniatures! Ice cream anyone? Cream? What, cutlery, nooo! Eat it with your hands I say, the messier the better!

What could possible go wrong?

Guess I need to keep the puns going as well, errr, sayyy… runny dessert, more like runny game… hurt! Yeah that was bad.

3. No Sugar Rush

This kid loves sugar see. AND lemons. Or is that a grapefruit? Ok, definitely a grapefruit, nobody has lemon for food, let alone even would be able to FIND a lemon that big.

Thing is with sugar though is that with the massive HIGHS come the lowwwwws. It’s the kindergarden equivalent of crack cocaine, and the come down even for adults after a high concentration of things with glucose in them, is often even mightier. Some sweet things is not a bad idea though, don’t get me wrong, sharing a bag of colourful and flavoured animal fat between good friends over a board game of an afternoon sure floats my boat. What you don’t want though is a LOT of sugar over an EXTENDED period of time. At some point people are gunna start to crash hard. And once that happens there’s no coming back…

Sugar rush, more like sugar hush! Because everyone will fall asleep when they crash? No? Alright you’re right that makes no sense. Sure hope the next one of these is better…

4. No Over Complications

Ooooo isn’t it lovely, look everybody our kind and generous host has carved a full tableau of the battle of the bastards from game of thrones into a large melon. Let’s eat it! Melon won’t get on anything I swear and it definitely won’t be precarious to eat in  any way.

Apparently the thing in that picture is a cocktail, not a random platter of tropical fruits featuring a token drink. Just skip on the overly complicated stuff I’d say, I know sometimes you want to flaunt your fancy cooking skills or amazing masterchef level presentation abilities but for the whole board games and tabletop thing, yeah simple is better. Let’s stick to things in bowls that we can use our hands to eat…

Fruit watermelon, more like fruit… all over the place and I can’t eat it properly without a knife and fork and OH GOD I dropped a piece of it on the discard pile and it’s STICKING to the cards. Now the card is peeling apart because of the naturally sugary fruit juices seeping through the pores of the cardboard OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE. Not really a pun that time I see…

5. Just get card protectors already…

NO, that’s not the sort of ‘food on playing cards’ search results I was going for but  I guess it will have to do for now. I mean THAT food on THOSE cards is fine but otherwise, in all other possible scenarios (with the exception of sushi go), food on cards is very very bad. THE STICKY CARD IS A GIVEAWAY, he’s got the Princess, he’s got the PRINCESS! Surefire way to ruin Love Letter that…

Instead there is a WAY EASY solution, for all of your games with limited numbers of cards (Sorry Sheriff of Nottingham, you’re out of this one), just get card sleeves! That or just don’t have food on the table when you play card games… and get everyone to wipe their gosh darn greasy fingers before they draw!

I think I’m being too harsh.

Oh well! Them’s the rules… well, tips. Not strict, but I’d advise sticking to them, very much like your cards will to each other if you don’t follow these tips.

Alright we get it, sheesh.

Yours snackily,

Chris